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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

50 Facts Each To Know




1 The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.
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2 Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.
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3 Of all the words in the English language, the word 'set' has the most definitions!
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5 "Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
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6 "Rhythm" is the longest English word without a vowel.
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7 In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child
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8 A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off!
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9 Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
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10 You can't kill yourself by holding your breath
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11 There is a city called Rome on every continent.
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12 It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!
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13 Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
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14 Horatio Nelson, one of England's most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.
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15 The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London
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16 Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
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17 Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe!
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18 The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!
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19 One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!
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20 Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!
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21 The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man
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22 Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails! Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!
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23 The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.
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24 A Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
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25 Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle.
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26 Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.
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27 Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
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28 Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren't added to it.
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29 On average a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute.
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30 More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.
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31 The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.
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32More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food.
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33Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.
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34 The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!
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35The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.
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36 Earth is the only planet not named after a god.
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37 It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.
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38 You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.
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39 Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food!
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40 Dolphins sleep with one eye open!
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41 It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
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42 The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!
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43 The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds
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44 Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not
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45 Slugs have 4 noses.
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46 Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.
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47 A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!
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48 A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!
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49 The average person laughs 10 times a day!
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50 An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain
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Never cry for any relation in the World





Once, there was a girl, who was in love with a guy.
He wasn't the most handsome and Rocking
but for her, he was everything.

She used to dream about him,
about spending the rest of life with him. Her friends told her,
"why do you dream so much about him,
when you don't even know if he loves you or not?

First tell him your feelings, and get to know if he likes you
or not". She felt that was the right way.
The guy knew that this gal loves him.
One day when she proposed, he rejected her.

Her friends thought she would take wrong decision and ruin her life.
To their surprise, she was not depressed.
When they asked her how was it that she is not sad, she replied,
"'why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me &
he lost the one who really loved and cared for him."


NEVER CRY FOR ANY RELATION IN LIFE
BECAUSE FOR THE ONE WHOM YOU CRY
DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS
AND THE ONE WHO DESERVES
WILL NEVER LET YOU CRY....................!!!!

Jokes. (Dirty)

Viagra

An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra

'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'

'I can cut them for you' said Dan the pharmacist '
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. '

'I'm 96' said the old man.

'I don't want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough
so I don't piss on my slippers. '

Business is Business ...
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.
The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

Psychology

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have the biggest penis of all your friends."

Sex in the Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figures she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . You explain the kids."


10 time divorce

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.

'What?' said the puzzled groom.

'How can that be possible if you've been married ten times.?'

'Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.
'Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me..
'Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
'Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
'Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
'Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. .
'Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was ...
God I miss him.
'But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.
'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?
To which she replied,
'You're with the 'GOVERNMENT' . ..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED.

Condom

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.



Confession


An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had
sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody!'

Tarzan and jane
Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex ?
"Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, " Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed "
What did you do that for ?"
Tarzan replied, " Just checking for squirrel..."



Signs of Life



On entering the dry lands in Southeastern Alberta, we encountered this sign. Presumably, the snakes like to sunbathe on the road.


I saw this in a church parking lot and had to take a picture. It's nice to know that trespassers will be handled by the highest authority.


seen at the entrance of a hospital in south africa: you can deposit your gun and collected after seeing you doctor


Picture was taken last year in Vukovar, Croatia
Sign says: Wedding Hall

Photo by Kathleen West
Hanging in restaurant window in Prague.


Taken in Koh Samui, Thailand. Yes, if I see anyone destroying the nation, I'll be sure to tell the police. Sponsored by Tiger Balm.


Tokyo. This illustration is more puzzling. Is this two dogs? Do dogs jump on cats? "Hello, Kitty!" Not sure what the sign says. Lots of instructions for animals on this street.

Fear for me is now officially defined as making unflinching eye contact with a fanged monkey the size of a small child.


I thought I was seeing things the night I saw this walking home through the rain in London, but sure enough the next day there it was!!!

It is actually for a dry cleaning shop, but at night with the shutters down you cant tell that.



A front or affront? (taken in Chiang Mai, Thailand)


Huh?!? At The Citadel, Charleston, SC.









Feeling alone


When you are feeling all alone

Down-hearted, sad and blue,

And you think that there’s just no one

Who really cares for you,

Just look above and you will see

A Friend so near and dear;

His tender love and gentle care

Is offered you right here.

God gave His very life for you…

No greater love than this;

No need to wait for heaven’s gate

To know true joy and bliss;

Just surrender your all to Him,

You’ll be so richly blessed;

He’ll be your God and dearest Friend

And give to you His best.

When you are down, He’ll lift you up,

He’ll warm a heart grown cold;

His heavenly manna from above

Will satisfy your soul.

In Him you’ll find a peace and joy

Like you have never known,

He’ll walk beside you evermore…

You Will Never Be Alone.

Kazhutha Raagam..

Kelkuvanayi kazhuthaye Click cheyu.


The differences between men and women.



Ultimate goal of Microsoft

Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows 2k Family, Windows XP Family, Windows 2003 Family, Windows Vista Family, Windows 2008 and the new one, yet to be launched is Windows 7. These are the windows you might have seen in your life span if you use Window based computers. Do you know what is the Ultimate goal of Microsoft ? See this image below, which is said to be the Latest version of windows.






NET WLL BE THE PLATFORM

MJ

Rantings of an Idol Mind

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.

Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.


Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!


My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.


In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.


A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory

20

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.


I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.


I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.


KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.


I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


Dyslexics Have More Nuf.


20

In Memoriam


With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.


I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.


Preserve the Spotted Owl
(in formaldehyde)

When you work here,
you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".


Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.


Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.


=0 A

I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car

going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.


Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Sardar Jokz


Sadarji bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

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Sardarji: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
Dr: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Sardarji: Can I take tomorrow? Tonight is final game.


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Sardarji: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No; I will stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Sardarji: No, I will also stay with your sister.


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Sardarji: Proudly tells his wife, people consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Sardarji: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! you have come again..


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Sardarji complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take your TV?'
Sadarji: I was watching news on the TV.


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Sadarji comes back to his car and finds a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He writes a note and sticks it to the pole 'Thanks for compliment.'


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How do you recognize Sardarji in the School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.

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Santa: I do not want to marry coz I am afraid of women.

Banta: Get married soon, then u'll be afraid of only one woman & start loving all other women!

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Santa bought a car on loan from a bank. He did not pay the dues; the bank took away his car.


Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!


Santa got promotion from clerk to manager. He went home and told his wife in new style.You will sleep with a manager today.




Wife fell unconscious.
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Jeeto: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven!


Santa: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!


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Girl: I want a responsible man as a husband.


Man replies: That's me, whenever anyone is pregnant in my neighborhood, they say I'm responsible

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