Friday, September 4, 2009
21st century...
21st Century...
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very less !!!!!!!
Where is GOD ?
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably Involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( hahaha).....
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( hahaha).....
Theory going 2 win nobel prize...
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work
=============
Equation2...
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
==============
Equation3...
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend
Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
==============
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.
So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore , from postulates 1 and 2,
We can conclude,
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
Witty answers..
** Customer : Waiter, Do u serve crabs ?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
** Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
** Customer : Waiter, ther's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
** Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
** Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
** Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
** Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
** Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
** Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
** Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
** A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was aCommotion in the gallery.The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order.
"The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
** Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
** An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.''How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
** Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
** 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! This is no time for superstitions.
** Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
** Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in theField"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
** Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
** Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, Shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!""That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy."Come in to the living room and tell me about it.""Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
** Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
** Customer : Waiter, ther's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
** Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
** Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
** Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
** Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
** Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
** Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
** Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
** A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was aCommotion in the gallery.The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order.
"The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
** Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
** An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.''How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
** Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
** 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! This is no time for superstitions.
** Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
** Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in theField"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
** Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
** Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, Shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!""That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy."Come in to the living room and tell me about it.""Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
Bank Account: Story Posted by Chinnu
She is a 92 years old, petite, well-poised, and proud lady. She is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coiffed, and her makeup perfectly applied, in spite of the fact she is legally blind. Today she has moved to a nursing home.
Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making this move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, where I am employed, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet curtains that had been hung on her window.
"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an having just been presented with a new puppy.
"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room ... just wait," I said. Then she spoke these words that I will never forget.
"That does not have anything to do with it," she gently replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not does not depend on how the furniture is arranged. It is how I arrange my mind. I have already decided to love it.
It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice. I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or I can get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do work.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I will focus on the new day and all of the happy memories I have stored away just for this time in my life.'
Life is like a bank account. You withdraw from it what you have already put in.
Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making this move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, where I am employed, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet curtains that had been hung on her window.
"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an having just been presented with a new puppy.
"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room ... just wait," I said. Then she spoke these words that I will never forget.
"That does not have anything to do with it," she gently replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not does not depend on how the furniture is arranged. It is how I arrange my mind. I have already decided to love it.
It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice. I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or I can get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do work.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I will focus on the new day and all of the happy memories I have stored away just for this time in my life.'
Life is like a bank account. You withdraw from it what you have already put in.
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