Indian way of doing Business
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in
D.C. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China.
They go with a White House office to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we
hire the guy from China to fix the fence." *******************************************************************
Lawers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.Batliwala, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.Chand. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brians to realise you never will amount to any thing more than a two-bit pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed out across the room and asked , "Mrs.Batliwala, do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I have known Mr.Agarwal since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst here. Not to mention, he cheated on his wife and with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him".
The defence attorney almost died.
The judge asked both the lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I will send you to the Hangman".*************************************************************
A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts to his students.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me!"
*That is direct marketing*.
You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He is very rich. Marry him"- *That's advertising*
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me". - *That 's telemarketing*.
You are a at a party and see a gorgeous girl;. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - *That's public relations*.
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You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. she walks up to you and you say: "You're very rich! Will you marry me?"- *That's brand recognition*
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say :"I'm very rich. Marry me"!. She gives you a nice hard slap on your face ; *That's customer feedback*.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I'm very rich. Marry me!". And she introduces you to her husband - *That's demand and supply gap*
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?"- *That's competition eating into your marketshare*
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives.--*That's barriers to entering new markets*
