Jokz

Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going?

Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.

Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight?

Man: My wife...
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Especially for Finance Guys!!!!!
Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a
New Business?

Student: Father-in-Law!
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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.

After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll
kill u.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in
8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?

Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
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Q: Why do women live longer than men?

A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
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Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?

If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.
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So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building,
lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!
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Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the
crocodiles.
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Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out,
cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.

2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
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Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will
you pay me?

Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance
amount.
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Rubber Gloves
There once was a lady whose tooth was hurting, so she went to the dentist.
He called her into his office; but as he put on his gloves, he could tell she was getting nervous. To calm her down, he asked, "Do you know how they make rubber gloves?"

"No," the lady admitted.

He said, "What you do is, you stick your hands in a big bowl of rubber and take them out again. Then you stick them up in the air and let them dry.When they finish drying, you pull off a pair of rubber gloves." The lady didn't say a word for several moments, then started to giggle. "What's so funny?" the dentist asked. The lady laughed and said, "I bet I know how they make condoms!"
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Sun Bathing
Sarah, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach,so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Sarah asked rather calmly. "No one can see
me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight.