Jokz

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our WORK telephones
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Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.

One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.

The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, "I can't take this, I'm going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!"

The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.

"What happened?" asked the waiting car occupant.

The other partner announced, "They were twins and mine died!
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A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon, everyone had exited the church except an elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So, Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who i am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain;t" said the man.

"Don't you realise I can kill you with a word?" asked the Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute." returned the old man in an even tone.

"Didn't you know I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony...for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep" was the man's calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked the Satan.

"Nope".

More than a little perturbed, the Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for the last 48 years.".