A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdomof Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdomof Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"
"Results," shrugged Saint Peter.
"While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."
It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Jokz
Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going?
Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight?
Man: My wife...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Especially for Finance Guys!!!!!
Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a
New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll
kill u.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in
8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building,
lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the
crocodiles.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out,
cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will
you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance
amount.
************************************************************************************************
Rubber Gloves
There once was a lady whose tooth was hurting, so she went to the dentist.
He called her into his office; but as he put on his gloves, he could tell she was getting nervous. To calm her down, he asked, "Do you know how they make rubber gloves?"
"No," the lady admitted.
He said, "What you do is, you stick your hands in a big bowl of rubber and take them out again. Then you stick them up in the air and let them dry.When they finish drying, you pull off a pair of rubber gloves." The lady didn't say a word for several moments, then started to giggle. "What's so funny?" the dentist asked. The lady laughed and said, "I bet I know how they make condoms!"
------------------------------------------------------
Sun Bathing
Sarah, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach,so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Sarah asked rather calmly. "No one can see
me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight.
പ്രിയാമണി വീണ്ടും ബിക്കിനി അണിയുന്നു
പരുത്തിവീരനിലെ അഭിനയത്തിന് മികച്ച നടിയ്ക്കുള്ള ദേശീയ പുരസ്കാരം ലഭിച്ചശേഷം പ്രിയാമണി ദ്രോണയെന്ന ചിത്രത്തില് ബിക്കിനി ധരിച്ചെത്തിയത് എല്ലാവരെയും അത്ഭുതപ്പെടുത്തിയിരുന്നു. ദേശീയ പുരസ്കാരം വരെ ലഭിച്ച ഒരു നടിക്ക് ഇതിന്റെയൊക്കെ ആവശ്യമുണ്ടെയെന്നായിരുന്നു അന്ന് എല്ലാവരും ചോദിച്ചത്. കാരണം പല നടിമാരും ഈ രംഗത്ത് നിലനില്പ്പിന് വേണ്ടിയാണ് ബിക്കിനി റോളുകള് ചെയ്യാന് തയ്യാറാവുന്നത്.
എന്നാല് ഒരേ ഇമേജില് സ്വയം തളച്ചിടാന് തനിക്കാഗ്രഹമില്ലെന്നും ഒരു നടിയെന്നാല് ഏത് വേഷവും ചെയ്ത് ഫലിപ്പിക്കാന് കഴിവുള്ളവളായിരിക്കണമെന്നുമാണ് പ്രിയ അന്ന് മറുപടി നല്കിയത്.
ഇപ്പോഴിതാ പ്രിയാമണി വീണ്ടും ബിക്കിനി അണിയുന്നു. കന്നഡ ചിത്രത്തിലാണ് പ്രിയ വീണ്ടും ഗ്ലാമര് വേഷത്തിലെത്തുന്നത്. പുനീത് രാജ്കുമാറാണ് ചിത്രത്തിലെ നായകന്.
മലയാളത്തിലും തമിഴിലുമൊക്കെ ഏറെ ചിത്രങ്ങള് ചെയ്തിട്ടുണ്ടെങ്കിലും തെലുങ്ക് ചിത്രങ്ങളോട് പ്രിയാമണിക്ക് അത്ര താല്പ്പര്യമില്ല. എന്നാല് പുനീതിന്റെ പ്രത്യേക ക്ഷണം സ്വീകരിച്ച് കന്നഡച്ചിത്രത്തില് അഭിനയിക്കാന് പ്രിയ തീരുമാനിക്കുകയായിരുന്നു.
കന്നഡത്തില് നിന്നും പ്രിയാമണിക്ക് കൂടുതല് നല്ല വേഷങ്ങള് ചെയ്യാനുള്ള അവസരം ലഭിച്ചിട്ടുമുണ്ട്. എന്തായാലും ബിക്കിനി വേഷം കന്നഡ ചലച്ചിത്രലോകത്ത് പ്രിയക്ക് ഗ്ലാമര് പദവിനല്കുമെന്നകാര്യം ഉറപ്പിക്കാം.
മുമ്പൊക്കെ ബോളിവുഡ് നായികമാരാണ് ബിക്കിനിയണിഞ്ഞ് സ്ക്രീനില് പ്രത്യക്ഷപ്പെടാനുള്ള ധൈര്യം കാണിച്ചത്. എന്നാല് ഇപ്പോള് ദക്ഷിണേന്ത്യയിലെ മിക്ക മുന്നിര നടിമാരും ഇതിന് തയ്യാറാവുന്നുണ്ട്. ബിക്കിനി വേഷങ്ങളുള്ള ചിത്രങ്ങള് വന് ഹിറ്റുകളുമാകുന്നുണ്ട്.
പഴശ്ശിക്ക് പകരം ലൗഡ് സ്പീക്കര് റംസാന് റിലീസ്
മമ്മൂട്ടി ചിത്രങ്ങളുടെ റിലീസുകള് വീണ്ടും മാറിമറിയുന്നു. മലയാള സിനിമയില് പുതുചരിത്രം കുറിയ്ക്കാനെത്തുന്ന പഴശ്ശിരാജയുടെ റിലീസിങ് ഷെഡ്യൂളാണ് അവസാനമായി മാറിയിരിക്കുന്നത്. യുഎ സര്ട്ടിഫിക്കറ്റ് ലഭിച്ച പഴശ്ശിരാജയുടെ റിലീസ് ഗാന്ധിജയന്തി ദിനമായ ഒക്ടോബര് രണ്ടിലേക്കാണ് ഇപ്പോള് മാറ്റിയിരിക്കുന്നത്.
ഗ്രാഫിക്സ്, ശബ്ദലേഖന ജോലികള് പൂര്ത്തിയാകാത്തതാണ് പഴശ്ശിരാജയുടെ വരവിന് വിഘാതമായത്. 2009ലെ ഇന്ത്യന് പനോരമയിലേക്ക് തിരഞ്ഞെടുക്കപ്പെടുന്നതിനായി ആഗസ്റ്റ് 31ന് മുമ്പ് സെന്സറിങ് കഴിഞ്ഞിരിയ്ക്കണമെന്ന നിബന്ധനയാണ് സെന്സറിങ് പെട്ടെന്ന് നടത്താന് പഴശ്ശിയുടെ അണിയറപ്രവര്ത്തകരെ പ്രേരിപ്പിച്ചത്.
അതേ സമയം ഒക്ടോബര് രണ്ടിന് റിലീസ് നിശ്ചയിച്ചിരുന്ന മമ്മൂട്ടി-ജയരാജ് ടീമിന്റെ ലൗഡ് സ്പീക്കര് സെപ്റ്റംബര് 18ലേക്ക് മാറ്റാന് തീരുമാനമായിട്ടുണ്ട്. സമീപകാലത്തായി സിനിമാ നിര്മാണ വിതരണ രംഗത്ത് കൂടി സജീവമായ മമ്മൂട്ടി തന്നെയാണ് ഈ ചടുലമായ നീക്കത്തിന് മുന്കൈയെടുത്തിരിയ്ക്കുന്നത്. റിലീസ് മാറ്റിമറിയ്ക്കുന്നതിലൂടെ പഴശ്ശിരാജ ചാര്ട്ട് ചെയ്തിരുന്ന തിയറ്ററുകളില് ലൗഡ് സ്പീക്കര് റിലീസ് ചെയ്യും.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Lunascape Multi-Rendering-Engine Browser
Lunascape presents an interesting product. I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of things evolve from them. I have Firefox, Internet Explorer and Google Chrome all installed and at the ready. It’s pretty simple, though a bit annoying, to boot up IE to make sure a page renders properly, even though we develop under Firefox. (There are FF extensions that make this a simple right-click affair, however.) Lunascape simplifies the process a bit by allowing you to switch a tab’s rendering engine just with a right-click. And it works, for sure.
You Are My World......
You my sweet love
I miss ever so much
The softness of your lips
and your warm loving touch
Many uncontrollable circumstances
have kept us sometimes apart
Yet every moment i carry you
Deep within my heart
When ever we are together
My spirit is such aglow
You always color my world
Like a beautiful rainbow
You are the love of my life
that you will always be
The special times we share
Just mean everything to me
Each time we kiss
Theres nothing so sublime
always deliciously so fresh
like the very first time
Holding you close in my arms
Flames my passion and desire
My soul ever so burns
Like I am ravaged in fire
Each day I find happiness
Such joy and laughter
Knowing that soon we will be
Together, And living
Happily ever after.
Smart Investing
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night."
Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked: "What you gonna to do with him?"
Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: To raffle is to sell a thing by lottery - draw lot -! To a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket)
Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.00."
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."
Sardar Again....
One fine day a Girl proposed to a Sardar and Sardar denied simply, saying that in our Family we marry onlyour relatives : My Mom married my Dad, my Brother married my Bhabhi, My Uncle married my Aunt and so on.
Hence, please excuse me.
=====================
Sardarjee to a woman: "I want to marry you" . Woman: "But I am one year elder to you."Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."
=======================
Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and
started to eat them."You can't eat your own sandwiches in here,"complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.
===========================
Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back direction. This event really harrased
the social nature of sardarji and then he also decided to wear his pagari (turban) in the backward
direction . While he was on his way to his office another S ardar saw h im and asked
"Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaarahe ho".
============================
A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle.
A friend of his asked why he did so?" It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "To start from
the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.
============================
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were
in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly
soul must answer two questions: 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds
are there in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week
that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12
seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today andTomorrow, even though it's not the answer
I expected,so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied, "Well,
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...." Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
Sweetheart, I love you
Hello, Sweetheart, I love you Just thought that you should know
How you fill my heart with gladness
My love for you still grows
I've loved you from the very start
When we met my heart just knew
That you were meant for only me
And I was meant for you
You brought sunlight to my life
You make me feel complete
Together, we are a perfect set
We share one single heartbeat
I know I don't tell you enough
The words you long to hear
Believe me when I tell you now
How much I love you Dear
Love Story....
An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world. It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century.
The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stairs up a mountain for his 80-year-old wife has passed away in the cave which has been the couple's home for the last 50 years.
Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chaoqin..
In a twist worthy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children.
At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing Municipality.
In the beginning, life was harsh as hey had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.
Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, 'Are you regretful? Liu always replied, 'As long as we are industrious, life will improve.'
In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.
Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, 'My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day. He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother's convenience, although she doesn't go down the mountain that much.'
The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife's hand even after he had passed away.
'You promised me you'll take care of me, you'll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?'
Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband's black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks....
In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China , collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.
OfficeTab Adds Tabs to Microsoft Office
Microsoft Office plug-in OfficeTab adds tabbed document support to Excel, Word, and PowerPoint—one can only wonder why Microsoft doesn't include this feature by default.
Once you've installed OfficeTab, you can head into the settings panel, where you can enable or disable tabbed support in each application, move the tabs to the side or bottom, and change the appearance of the tabs with a number of styles to choose from. You can right-click the tab bar to add a new document tab, and each time you open a document it will be added to a new tab automatically.
OfficeTab is a free download for Windows only, and while it was created by a Chinese programmer, the download itself contains an
English version. Readers should note that on our test machine, at least, we got a Visual Studio setup prompt every time we opened an Office application after setting up this plug-in—but your mileage may vary.
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