Maths Homework

A little boy was doing his maths homework.

He said to himself, “Two plus five, the son of a b!tch is seven.

Three plus six, the son of a b!tch is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
"What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
"What are you teaching my son in maths?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the Son Of a b!tch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

"What I taught Them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH,
is four."

Monkyyyyyyyyyy......................!!!

Every monkey has his day... isn't it....





Wait for ur's.....

Jokz

Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going?

Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.

Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight?

Man: My wife...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Especially for Finance Guys!!!!!
Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a
New Business?

Student: Father-in-Law!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.

After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll
kill u.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in
8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?

Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Q: Why do women live longer than men?

A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?

If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building,
lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the
crocodiles.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out,
cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.

2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will
you pay me?

Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance
amount.
************************************************************************************************
Rubber Gloves
There once was a lady whose tooth was hurting, so she went to the dentist.
He called her into his office; but as he put on his gloves, he could tell she was getting nervous. To calm her down, he asked, "Do you know how they make rubber gloves?"

"No," the lady admitted.

He said, "What you do is, you stick your hands in a big bowl of rubber and take them out again. Then you stick them up in the air and let them dry.When they finish drying, you pull off a pair of rubber gloves." The lady didn't say a word for several moments, then started to giggle. "What's so funny?" the dentist asked. The lady laughed and said, "I bet I know how they make condoms!"
------------------------------------------------------
Sun Bathing
Sarah, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach,so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Sarah asked rather calmly. "No one can see
me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight.

Sardar Again....

One fine day a Girl proposed to a Sardar and Sardar denied simply, saying that in our Family we marry only
our relatives : My Mom married my Dad, my Brother married my Bhabhi, My Uncle married my Aunt and so on.
Hence, please excuse me.
=====================

Sardarjee to a woman: "I want to marry you" . Woman: "But I am one year elder to you."Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."
=======================

Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and
started to eat them."You can't eat your own sandwiches in here,"complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.
===========================

Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back direction. This event really harrased
the social nature of sardarji and then he also decided to wear his pagari (turban) in the backward
direction . While he was on his way to his office another S ardar saw h im and asked
"Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaarahe ho".
============================

A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle.
A friend of his asked why he did so?" It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "To start from
the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.
============================

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were
in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly
soul must answer two questions: 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds
are there in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week
that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12
seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today andTomorrow, even though it's not the answer
I expected,so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied, "Well,
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...." Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

Sardar jokz

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
****************
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
****************
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
****************
Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".
****************
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
****************
Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No!35 Children R More than Enough!!"
****************
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
****************
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
****************
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
****************
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.
****************
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
****************
Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office....
****************
After finishing MBBS, Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
Torch is okay"

Jokz

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our WORK telephones
****************************************************
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.

One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.

The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, "I can't take this, I'm going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!"

The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.

"What happened?" asked the waiting car occupant.

The other partner announced, "They were twins and mine died!
****************************************************
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon, everyone had exited the church except an elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So, Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who i am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain;t" said the man.

"Don't you realise I can kill you with a word?" asked the Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute." returned the old man in an even tone.

"Didn't you know I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony...for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep" was the man's calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked the Satan.

"Nope".

More than a little perturbed, the Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for the last 48 years.".

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy Kholi . May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 43rd Floor, Akask View Apt, Cantt Road, ........

Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is

0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs 2249.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs10,720.55 since October last year.

That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your scooter.. ."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Lambretta 1969 Vintage Scooter,...registration number USE 8999..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: **********

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 11th Nov 1986 you were convicted for using abusive language on a policeman who stopped you for driving through a one way, in fact you were driving a 1973 Ambassador bearing registeration number UTD 4267.......

Customer: [Faints]

HA!! Father's beware of such sons.....

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "

The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. "

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

Sardar Again

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, 'Pass the wine you divine'.
Sardar thinks 'how poetic'
Sardar says, 'Pass the custard you bastard'.
***********************************************
Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says 'Johny Walker single'
Man on his left says 'Peter Scotch single'
Sardar says - 'Baljith Singh Married'
***********************************************
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************************
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
***********************************************
2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
***********************************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend ' u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
***********************************************
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************************
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
***********************************************
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***********************************************
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************************
Kon banega crorpathy

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......*********************************

Jokz

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: 'I will choose my own bride!'

Father: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'
Son: 'Well, in that case...ok'
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'
Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!'

Father: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.'
Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case...ok'

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'
President: 'But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!'

Father: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'
President: 'Ah, in that case...ok'

This is how business is done!!
****************************************************************************
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?
~~~~~~
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy!Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well, "began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~~
1st thief :Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief:But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief :Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
~~~~~~~~
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
~~~~~~~
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
~~~~~~~
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
~~~~~~~
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy:Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy :No, mine is undying love.
~~~~~~~~
There was a brilliant student and his General Knowledge (*GK*) was excellent.
He won every GK Quiz he took part in ....
Then one day he fell in love with a girl...
He proposed the girl, but she flatly rejected him The poor Indian fellow was heart-broken. .
Strangely, after this episode, he became very weak at GK, he stopped taking part in GK Quizzes.....
Now, can u tell WHY ???
Jab Dil Hi Toot Gaya Toh GK Kya Karenge!!
~~~~~~~~
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband:Sure, what are my choices?
Wife :Yes and no.
~~~~~~~

Jokz

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door,
ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene,

the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer,

"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my gooood....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!!!"
******************************************************************
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
“Hey vaheguru meri lottery lagady.”
After 11 years VaheGuru angrily appeared
& said,”Khoti de putar 1 vari ticket te le ley”
---------------------------------------------
Man standing on the scale,
holding his stomach in.
Wife:I do not think that is going to help.
Man:Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?
-----------------------------------------------------
Soldier:Sir, we are surrounded!
Major:Excellent!
We can attack in any direction now!
------------------------------------------------
A man sees a fat man
sitting in a train cabin.
Taunting, he asks:
Is this cabin for elephants only!
Fat man humbly replies:
No!Even monkeys like you can sit!
------------------------------------------
Interviewer:what is skeleton?
Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person
who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
------------------------------------------
1st ever intelligent sardar.
Teacher: what do u call a person
who cannot hear anything?
sardar: u can call him anything,
because he cannot hear anything:-)
----------------------------------------
Why were males created before females?
Because you alwas need
a rough draft before the final copy.
------------------------------------

Jokes...

* Wife : Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
* It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
* A man who surrenders when not Sure, is wise.
A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.
A man who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest.
* There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
* Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'? Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
* Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

*Three Malayali Couples in a Restaurant…. Couple 1: Husband: "aa sugar ingeduthe Panjare…."
Couple 2: Husband: "aa liver ingeduthe Karale…......"
Upon hearing the above conversation, the third couple started……
Couple 3: Wife : kandille manushya, avarudeyokke sneham. Angane venam bharthakkanmar aayal!
Then,

Couple 3: Husband : aa beef ingeduthe Pothe..!!!

Jokes...

Jokz..

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together.

One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret....
************************************************************************************
A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.

At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said,

"God's doing a lot better job lately."
************************************************************************************
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.


While he was waiting, a man came to him and asked, "Son, can you tell me what is the way to the Post Office here?"


The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."


The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to my church on Sunday. I will show you the way to the Heaven."


The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Ya sure you will ..... You don't even know the way to the Post Office here."

Hve a brek..

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a
WISE man tells her that “she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED”.


2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY


3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.



4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters
not their friends.


5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best
wine and BestWoman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine
and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC


6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the
SAME time ?

It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.



7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through aforest.They see an ELEPHANT comingt owards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we areF OUR.



8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missin SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing inyour life.


9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.


10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.



11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because as per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

School dayz..

Teacher: 'What is your name?'
Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'
Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'
Student: 'My name is Sunlight.
*****************

Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'My name is Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: 'What kind of a name is this? Don't joke tell me the right name'
Student: 'My name is Sunderlal Chadda."
***********************


Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.

**************************
Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Vinod: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

**************************

Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE

**************************


Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Vinod : A holiday
**************************

Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?
Vinod: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'

**************************
Teacher:How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Vinod: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
**************************
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ?
2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!

Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye,
ek ne desh ke liye,
doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!

Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai

Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony
mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.

Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
na apne bachchon ko karne denge.

What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.


Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.
Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

Jokz

Success of marriage
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" ..

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after."
*****************************************************************

Interesting chat

Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.

(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's)

Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero : OK

(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ).

Manager : Hey, I need some help from you

Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me.

Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking stupid tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero : Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.
ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!!

AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!

Jokz

A man walks past a beggar everyday and gives him Rs.10 and that continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs.7,50 "Well", the beggar thinks, "It's is still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs.5. "What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me Rs.10 everyday, then Rs.7.50 and now only Rs.5. What's the problem?"
"Well", the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so i had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further".
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asked. "Four" the man replies. "Well", says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense"!!!!
***************************************************************
A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."
The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"
"A month."
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn't have any clean clothes to wear."

********************************************************
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,
"I would like To buy a pair of pink curtains". The salesman assures her that they have a large election of pink curtains.
He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches" "Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman.
"That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room; they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ............. I've got Windoooooows!"

Jokz

Ultimate one.... Man,wife and dog...
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most Unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one About 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man Walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in Single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, And I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral Like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is It?"

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first One asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Join the queue."

---------------------------------------------------------------
Why Brides Wear White?

A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?" The mom replied, "Because they're happy, dear."

Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do men wear black?"

--------------------------------------------------------------
Man Are From Mars, Women From Venus

A man will pay two-dollars for a one-dollar item he needs, but a woman will pay one-dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband, but a man never worries about the future until he takes a wife.


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, but a successful woman is one who can find such a man!!!

Boban n Moly