Jokes

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.

"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.

"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.

"So? Are you afraid?"

"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.

Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"

To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"


Pray Before Eating

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.

" Logan , wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to," the little boy replied.

"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."


GAMBLING

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.

After Little Johnny’s first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, I think I broke his gambling???. The father asked how and she said, He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money.

DAMN! said the father.
What’s wrong, the teacher asked.

Little Johnny’s father said, This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher’s butt before the day was over!


Boyfriend

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.

The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

Human Race


A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"

The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."

A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"

The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."


TAMPONS WONDER

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one. "

g mail shortcut

Shortcut Key Definition Action c Compose Allows you to compose a new message. <Shift> + c allows you to compose a message in a new window. / Search Puts your cursor in the search box. k Move to newer conversation Opens or moves your cursor to a more recent conversation. You can hit <Enter> to expand a conversation. j Move to older conversation Opens or moves your cursor to the next oldest conversation. You can hit <Enter> to expand a conversation. n Next message Moves your cursor to the next message. You can hit <Enter> to expand or collapse a message. (Only applicable in 'Conversation View.') p Previous message Moves your cursor to the previous message. You can hit <Enter> to expand or collapse a message. (Only applicable in 'Conversation View.') o or <Enter> Open Opens your conversation. Also expands or collapses a message if you are in 'Conversation View.' u Return to conversation list Refreshes your page and returns you to the inbox, or list of conversations. e Archive Archive your conversation from any view. m Mute Archives the conversation, and all future messages skip the Inbox unless sent or cc'd directly to you. Learn more. x Select conversation Automatically checks and selects a conversation so that you can archive, apply a label, or choose an action from the drop-down menu to apply to that conversation. s Star a message or conversation Adds or removes a star to a message or conversation. Stars allow you to give a message or conversation a special status. ! Report spam Marks a message as spam and removes it from your conversation list. r Reply Replies to the message sender. <Shift> + r allows you to reply to a message in a new window. (Only applicable in 'Conversation View.') a Reply all Replies to all message recipients. <Shift> +a allows you to reply to all message recipients in a new window. (Only applicable in 'Conversation View.') f Forward Forwards a message. <Shift> + f allows you to forward a message in a new window. (Only applicable in 'Conversation View.') <Esc> Escape from input field Removes the cursor from your current input field. <Ctrl> + s Save draft Saves the current text as a draft when composing a message. Hold the <Ctrl> key while pressing s and make sure your cursor is in one of the text fields -- either the composition pane, or any of the To, CC, BCC, or Subject fields -- when using this shortcut. # Delete Moves the conversation to Trash. l Label Opens the Labels menu to label a conversation. v Move to Moves the conversation from the inbox to a different label, Spam or Trash. <Shift> + i Mark as read Marks your message as 'read' and skip to the next message. <Shift> + u Mark as unread Marks your message as 'unread' so you can go back to it later. [ Archive and previous Archives your conversation and moves to the previous one. ] Archive and next Archives your conversation and moves to the next one. z Undo Undoes your previous action, if possible (works for actions with an 'undo' link). <Shift> + n Update current conversation Updates your current conversation when there are new messages. q Move cursor to chat search Moves your cursor directly to the chat search box. y Remove from Current View* Automatically removes the message or conversation from your current view. From 'Inbox,' 'y' means Archive From 'Starred,' 'y' means Unstar From 'Trash,' 'y' means Move to inbox From any label, 'y' means Remove the label * 'y' has no effect if you're in 'Spam,' 'Sent,' or 'All Mail.' . Show more actions Displays the 'More Actions' drop-down menu. ? Show keyboard shortcuts help Displays the keyboard shortcuts help menu within any page you're on. Combo-keys - Use the following combinations of keys to navigate through Gmail. Shortcut Key Definition Action <tab> then <Enter> Send message After composing your message, use this combination to send it automatically. (Supported in Internet Explorer and Firefox, on Windows.) y then o Archive and next Archives your conversation and moves to the next one. g then a Go to 'All Mail' Takes you to 'All Mail,' the storage site for all mail you've ever sent or received (and have not deleted). g then s Go to 'Starred' Takes you to all conversations you have starred. g then c Go to 'Contacts' Takes you to your Contacts list. g then d Go to 'Drafts' Takes you to all drafts you have saved. g then i Go to 'Inbox' Returns you to the inbox. g then t Go to 'Sent Mail' Takes you to all mail you've sent. * then a Select all Selects all mail. * then n Select none Deselects all mail. * then r Select read Selects all mail you've read. * then u Select unread Selects all unread mail. * then s Select starred Selects all starred mail. * then t Select unstarred Selects all unstarred mail.

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Yahoo! recommends that you upgrade to the new and safer Internet Explorer 8.

A beautiful life does not just happen.
It builds daily..
In prayer, humility, sacrifice and love.
May a beautiful life be yours.
Today and forever

Shilpa in a 'kiss row' again!

Bollywood's leggy lass Shilpa Shetty is once again in the news. No not for launching any new venture, but for getting a kiss on her rosy cheeks.
Shilpa's recent visit to Sakhigopal temple has already garnered enough controversies and now this 'kiss row'. As per reports, temple's priest was so happy with Shilpa's visit that while blessing her, he planted a kiss on her cheeks.
Though Shilpa flashed her dazzling smile for shutterbugs, her visit to the temple and shooting in the premises has raised many eyebrows.
Our verdict: This is much about nothing!

(Hindustan Times)

How to use and show all keyboard shortcuts in Word 2007

How to use and show all keyboard shortcuts in Word 2007

There is a great little trick that I actually discovered by accident. If you press the ALT key when you have a word document open, the shortcut keys appear over the button they apply to. Just try it for yourself. You will see that Alt-F = Office Button, Alt-1 = Save, Alt-2 = Undo, Alt-3 = Redo, Alt-H = Home tab, Alt-N = Insert tab, Alt-P = Page Layout tab, Alt-S = References tab, Alt-M = Mailings tab, Alt-R =Review tab, Alt-V =View tab, Alt-L = Developer tab, and Alt-B = Acrobat tab. You might have different tabs enabled on your Word 2007 however what ever tabs you do have, they will show the keyboard shortcut for it. Below is a screenshot of what you will see.
Word 2007 keyboard shortcuts

How to see the keyboard shortcuts for the individual tabs?
When you have a tab open, there are more keyboard shortcuts to see if you have used the ALT key to open the tab. For example if you go to the Insert tab by pressing ALT-N only then will you be able to see the extra shortcuts available.
If you click on the Insert tab with your mouse you will not be able to see these individual tab shortcuts. See the screenshot below. To get to this stage this is what I pressed.

1. I pressed the ALT key only to see what the shortcuts are and to start the process. See above screenshot for the first step.
2. Then I pressed N only to get to the insert tab.
3. Now I can see all the shortcuts for the Insert tab. Now if I press a letter listed below it will be like pushing that button.



How to insert a picture into a word document using keyboard shortcuts?
To insert a picture into your word 2007 document simply press these keys on your keyboard in order.

1. ALT key
2. N key
3. P key

Now you will have a dialog box open to browse for the picture to insert to the document. To change to another tab to use its shortcuts simply press ALT. The ALT gets turned on and off.
How to add a border to your page using keyboard shortcuts?
To add a border into your word 2007 document simply press these keys on your keyboard in order.

1. ALT key
2. P key
3. Then quickly press the P and then B key.

Then the page border properties will open and you can choose if you want a shadowed border, thin or thick border, or anything to do with borders.
keyboard shortcuts for word 2007


Notes on using keyboard shortcuts in Microsoft word 2007:

* You can experiment on an unimportant document.
* Just remember that to change to a different tab you need to press ALT, then Press ALT again to restart and choose another tab.
* You will find your own favorite keyboard shortcuts in Word 2007 that will make your life so much easier.

A Brother Just Like You

I just want to let you know
You mean the world to me
Only a heart as dear as yours
Would give so unselfishly

The many things you've done
All the times that you were there
Help me know deep down inside
How much you really care

Even though I might not say
I appreciate all you do
Richly blessed is how I feel
Having a brother just like you.
A Sister Like You

Someone who will understand
Who knows the way I feel
In every situation
Her concern is very real

Someone who has walked my ways
Who knows my every need
Times when she would see me cry
Her heart would nearly bleed

Everyone should have a sister
Just the way I do
Richly blessed is what I am
To have a sister like you
A Sister is Forever

Simple vs. Real Friends

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and
stays late to help you,clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.



A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend will read and throw this letter away.
A real friend will send it back to you until
he's sure it's been received.

Care for your Eyes: Your most precious assets

A glance of the eye is described as one of the most wonderful things in nature. Eye is an integral part of one's beauty but we, at times, completely ignore taking care of it. Eye care is equally important and serious as other ailments because the damage it can cause is intense and immeasurable. Hence, consulting an ophthalmologist becomes important for avoiding any loss relating to your eyes.

The number of people with visual problems is truly deplorable. In a developing country like India, it is estimated that India is home to 23.5% of the world's blind population. To curb this huge crisis, India, in 1976, became the first country in the world to start a national program for controlling blindness. Surveys show cataract to be the most common cause of blindness. Hence, recent focus has been on high-quality surgery and up-gradation of skills among the ophthalmologists. Other vital reasons of blindness are glaucoma, refractive errors, corneal blindness and childhood blindness.
Medical Tourism in India
India, besides being an IT hub, is becoming popular for medical tourism, with increasing number of international patients heading towards India for medical treatments. The prime reason being the highly cost effective treatment facilities, which is followed by world class techniques and tools. Listed below are the common eye care treatments available in India:

* Glaucoma surgery
* Lasik surgery
* Corneal transplantation
* Insertion of foldable intra-ocular lenses
* Laser Refractive surgery
* Oculoplastic surgery
* Phaceoemulsification
* Zyoptix treatment for correction of myopia
* Phakonit, Micro-Phakonit Cataract surgery

Know the common symptoms of eye diseases
A few common symptoms of eye diseases are:

* Pain within the eyes or headache
* Diminishing vision which may be sudden or gradual
* Watering of or discharge from the eyes
* Irritation and redness in the eyes
* Flashes of light, spots or sparks in vision
* Sudden prominence of the eyes

Common solvable Refractive Problems
The common vision defects which can be rectified by using glasses are:

1. Myopia – Also called short-sightedness, it is caused by an eyeball that is too long or a cornea that has too much curvature. This is rectified by using diverging lenses.
2. Hypermetropia – Also called long-sightedness, it is caused by an eyeball that is too short or a cornea that has too little curvature. This is rectified by using converging lenses.
3. Presbyopia – With the reaching of forty years of age, most people's vision suffer Presbyopia. This is caused by the crystalline lens' disability to focus on close objects or small prints with increasing age. Presbyopia patients are prescribed to use progressive lenses.
4. Astigmatism – It is caused by the irregular shape of the cornea. This can be rectified using toric lenses.

Tips for protecting your eye sight
Reduce your risk of any eye related problems by using these helpful tips:

* Know your family eye history regarding Glaucoma
* Wear sunglasses to protect your eyes from ultra-violet rays
* Take regular screen breaks when using computer
* Eat the right food containing lutein and zeaxanthin
* Clean your contact lenses regularly
* Take care when using cosmetics
* Know your first aid when meeting an eye injury and seek medical help immediately
* Visit your optician and have an eye test every two years

The eternal beauty of eye is deteriorated by the unhygienic environment around us, along with the inevitable aging. Unless we make a conscious effort to take care of it, eye diseases will never cease. Hence, it is important for each person to know the basic healthy tips of eye care, which will help making your eyes an asset to you throughout your life.

How to have good Eyesight?
Most eye problems are attributed to stress, tension and laziness which lead to gradual failing of eyesight. Many people habitually strain their eyes by keeping them in a fixed position, staring at a whole scene rather than allowing steady movement. It is essential for the eye muscles to move freely in order to make the tiny adaptations necessary to centre on the object of your vision.
Exercises for improving Eyesight

There are some particular exercises which can help relax the eye muscles and optic nerve and use memory and imagination to improve coordination between the brain and eyes.

* Palming – It is a simple technique which can refresh your eyes. You just close your eyes and cover them with your palms by resting them on your cheek bones. Make sure not to put pressure on your eyeballs. Breathe slowly and evenly, relaxing and imagining deep blackness. Begin by doing this exercise for ten minutes, two or three times a day.
* Swinging – Keep the eyes mobile and stay relaxed. Then stand up and focus on a distant point, swaying gently from one side to another. Repeat as many times as you can, preferably hundred times daily, blinking as you sway. Blinking lubricates and cleans the eyes, which is extremely important if you spend several hours in front of the computer.
* Sunning – Try to do this exercise once a day. It requires a sunny day or a desk lamp with a luminescent bulb. Close your eyes and try to look directly at the sun through your closed eyes. When facing the sun, rotate your head slowly from side to side as far as possible. This exercise helps to get sunlight on the peripheral vision and enables more blood circulation to your neck. Do this for three to five minutes every day.
* Colour day – Choose any colour and look out for it throughout the day. When you see the particular colour, be aware of the colour rather than the form. For example, if it's a blue car, experience the shade of blue, not the car.

Common tips when doing eye exercises
You should follow some of the common tips when performing your eye exercises:

* Take off your glasses or contact lenses
* Concentrate intensely on your eyes and feel them working
* Do the exercises regularly for better results

Your eyes are the most important assets which should always be taken good care of. Vision is our primary means of relationship to the beautiful world around us. Hence, proper and regular care of the eyes is extremely essential for every individual.

u are not my lover..

When I looked into ur eyes,
I felt my lonely spirit rise.
When I heard ur voice.
I had no longer felt alone.
I had been on my own-
for quite a while
so for me you've opened up a brand new file.
A new beginning,
but this time no end
because u r not just my lover,
u are my friend!!!

How to watch high quality Youtube videos

Login to your Youtube account
Next to the word account there is a small drop down arrow
Press on this for a menu to appear
From this menu choose more..
Then scroll down the page and under the heading account, choose video playback quality
Put a check next to I have a fast internet connection. Always play higher quality video when it is available..
Save settings. That's it.

Now when you are logged into your account and you want to watch a Youtube video it will show you the highest quality resolution for that video. If nothings happens and it is still the low quality FLV version then that just means that Youtube video is not available in a higher quality yet.

There is also another little trick you can do to see if a Youtube video has a higher quality video available. You simply add &fmt=6 to the end of the url in the address bar in your internet browser.

For example a url of one my video's is http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=30qfCgwxzEPw and to see it in higher quality you would change it to http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=30qfCgwzEPw&fmt=6

This only works if there is a higher resolution video available.

Notes:
When there is not a higher quality when you add &fmt=6 then you can also try adding &fmt=18 to the URL to get MP4 instead FLV